Special Rights

Imagine getting ready to leave port on a cruise ship-- you, your spouse and your children-- only to have your spouse suddenly collapse. You're in a strange city and are forced to go to the nearest trauma center where you wait impatiently for news of your spouse's medical condition. Now, imagine that while waiting, you're told that a.) the hospital is not going to give you any information on your spouse's condition, b.) you're not allowed to see your spouse while s/he is in the hospital, c.) that your children will not be allowed to see their parent and d.) when your spouse's sibling arrives, the hospital tells him/her more information than they told you. What do you think your reaction would be?

Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened to Janice Langbehn on February 18, 2007. Despite having a durable power of attorney, Ms. Langbehn was denied access to visit her partner of 17+ years simply because her partner was another woman: Lisa Pond. The hospital in question was the Ryder Trauma Center at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami, Florida. Ms. Langbehn filed a lawsuit against the hospital and in late September, 2009, a judge dismissed the lawsuit, in essence condoning the hospital's actions. I know, there are going to be those who say that the judge has to rule on the law, not his/her personal opinions. And I agree. But Ms. Langbehn had a durable power of attorney! She was the one that was designated by Ms. Pond to make medical decisions if Ms. Pond was unable to do so. How could she be expected to make medical decisions if she was given no information?

This is the kind of discrimination that the GLBT community and its allies are trying to stop by fighting for equal rights. And yet time and time again, we're told that we're seeking "special rights". What is so special about being denied the ability to stand at the bedside of the one you love while s/he is dying? What is so special about having to tell your children they cannot see their mother before she dies? What is so special about having this blatant discrimination upheld by the courts?

Even though my wife and I are legally married in Canada, the state of Pennsylvania does not recognize that marriage as valid. If she were to be in an automobile accident, for example, even though she has me listed as next of kin, the state police are under no legal obligation to contact me and inform me of the accident. And if, God forbid, she were to die in that accident, they would be perfectly within their rights to notify her mother of the death and say nothing to me. That doesn't worry me too much now, but back when we first got together, her mother really didn't like me. And she could have simply taken my wife's body back with her and not even told me that she died until she was already buried. When she has to go to the emergency room, we let them think I'm her mother (there's a 16 year age difference between us) until I'm back in the room with her. It's much harder, it seems, for them to say "You have to leave" rather than to say "You can't come back til we get her settled", which they could do quite easily while you're in the waiting room if they wanted. So far we haven't had any problems with our local hospitals, but that's not to say we won't.

For all those who think that equal rights for gays are "special rights", read the story linked below that goes into more detail about the tragic case above. Put yourself in Ms. Langbehn's shoes and ask yourself if what happened is in any way just or fair or even plain compassionate? Then go to the second link and read a partial list (only 25 actually) of the more than 1049 rights/privileges bestowed by the institution of CIVIL marriage in the US at the federal level. (There are more rights at the state level but they vary from state to state.)

And finally, for those who think that equal rights for gays are special rights, I challenge you to give me one reason why gays cannot marry that is NOT based on religious or personal beliefs. I can tell you right now, there isn't one. But hey, try to prove me wrong.